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School assignments, peer pressure, social media influences, hormones, a pandemic, new friendships, new partners, new experiences, all while the brain is growing, and there is more responsibility and pressure for the next phase of life. Is it any wonder that our teens are stressed? Burnt out? Struggling with their mental health? With all of this it is no wonder that parenting teens has become increasingly challenging, with many parents wondering, what can I do?
If you are a parent of teen you may also know that talking, suggesting, guiding, offering support can often fall on deaf ears- so what if there were some other options. Below are a list of ideas and strategies that can support the mental health of our teens without focusing on giving them information. These are listed in no particular order and can be used in creative ways to support our teens/youth.
1. Allow them to be. Most days our teens/youth are bombarded with messages (through friends, school, social media), on what to do, who to be, or how to act. Not always do our teens feel like there is a safe place for them to land and to just be whoever they need to be in that moment. As caring parents and adults sometimes we offer suggestions, advice, recommendations, or guidance. Although well-intended, this can be overwhelming for a teen or youth that just needs some space to decompress and just be. At times while we want to jump in and find solutions for our struggling youth, sometimes all they need is a listening ear or a quiet space just to let them experience and live in whatever moment, whatever feeling, or whatever thought they have.
What can I try? Try setting an evening up each week with no obligations, no chores, or no expectations. Allow the teen to decide what they want to do on that day in that moment.
2. Find Joy. With so much stress around friends, work, and school, sometimes it is easy to forget just to sit back and have fun! Enjoying moments with our teens not only fosters connection, but also helps to interrupt cycles of stress, worry, and anxiety. Doing something fun can also increase dopamine levels in our body, which can combat symptoms of depression.
What can I try? Anything that might sound fun to your teen! This could be going for a walk, ice cream, archery, a game night or even watching a funny movie as a family.
3. Build your village. The phrase often heard when raising kids is that it “takes a village to raise a child”. While teens have different needs compared to their childhood selves, it can be no less challenging, frustrating, joyful, or exhausting to raise teens. As our kids grow and these needs change, sometimes our village gets lost along the way. So, take the time to build the village that supports you! And ones that support your teen/youth. Find safe adults (family, neighbours, school events), which look to build connection with your teen/youth.
What can I try? Support your teen in joining activities or groups that are of interest to them; this may mean driving them or setting time aside for them to borrow the car or helping with their bus pass. Or look for a group for yourself! Are there other parents you know who are also raising teens. Look to reconnect and share in the joys and challenges of this next phase of parenting.
4. Take an interest in their interests. While for our teens this may be “doom scrolling” or just looking at social media for hours on end… taking an interest in your teens interest can help to bolster connection and provide opportunity for discussion. Knowing what your teen is watching or listening to can allow you to ask questions and get a better understanding of who your teen is as a person. While their interests may change from year to year, or day to day, continuing to be actively involved and interested shows our teens their value in the parent-child relationship, and shows that we want to know them as a person.
What can I try? While driving, ask your teen (if the songs are appropriate) to play two of their favourite songs. Talk to your teen about what they like in the songs- is it the message, the words, the tune? Maybe it’s all three. Accept any answer they provide and if the song holds a beat you like… ask them to play another!
5. Let them teach you something. The teenage years are a strange mix of growing independence, but still requiring a lot of support along the way from the adults in their world. Teens are starting to move into adulthood… but aren’t quite there yet, and don’t always have the tools, information, or experience to be out in the world on their own. Providing teens an opportunity to teach us something highlights a teens strength and shows them that there is value in their perspective. While the teen won’t have all the answers, it doesn’t mean that they aren’t experts in an area that we may not be.
What can I try? Ask your teen about current slang. Are there words that you’ve never heard of before? How would that slang be used? Challenge the teen to see who can use the slang in the appropriate context during a dinner conversation first.
6. Choice, choice, and more choice. Part of the adolescent phase is exploring different identities, interests, and roles. Providing teens with choices (both big and small), can support our teens in figuring out who they are as a person, and supports their development in terms of who they want to be. Additionally, by offering them choices we can sometimes alleviate the strain of telling them what to do or how to be. If making a decision is tough for your teen, try giving them options between two things that may be helpful for them. Listing out the pros and cons of each option may support your teen in deciding what they would like to do.
What can I try? On one or two nights, let your teen decide dinner, or a part of dinner that they may enjoy having. Is there a food that they are really craving? Involving the teen in decisions around the house helps to support them in feeling that they are part of the family, and that their opinion and likes are valued and important.
7. Sleep, Sleep, and more sleep. While we know that teenagers tend to sleep a lot, sleep also supports our physiological functioning and can affect our ability to manage symptoms of mental health. A lack of sleep can impair our decision-making and decreases our ability to manage our emotions.
What can I try? Support your teen in practicing healthy sleep habits. This may mean building a healthy sleep routine. Talk with your teen around what they do before bed. Could they add some gentle movement (such as a walk)? Relaxing music? When do they turn off social media? Test out different options to see what will support your teen with their sleep needs.
8. Role Model. While our teens may not always be listening… they are always watching. What helps you to manage your own mental health? How do you prioritize your own needs? Look at and reflect on ways that you could improve and be happier in your own world. While our teens may not pick up on these lessons right away, they will often unknowingly adopt habits and practices that we have in place. All we can do is plant the seeds…the teen will decide when they are ready to grow.
What can I try? Try adding one thing a week that adds joy, fulfilment, calm, or relaxation to your week. Share openly about how this benefits you and why you enjoy it. Talk about how it helps you in other aspects of your life.
9. Invite them to connect. How often have you heard- do I have to? I don’t want to. While teens can be notorious for not wanting to engage in different activities, you would be surprised at the number of times a teen/youth will say yes when they are invited to do something, rather than told. Where available, provide teens with the option of coming out on different errands, for different activities, or for different social events. For activities where it is not a priority for the teen to attend, provide them with the option of going or not.
What can I try? Ask your teen if they would like to run an errand or go with you to visit their aunt/uncle/friend of the family. If the teen/youth says “no”, honor their request. Keep inviting them to different activities or events even if they continue to decline. Sometimes the connection can come from just knowing that we are wanted/invited to come.
10. Reach out for support. Our teens are often struggling with some tough topics and are experiencing a really challenging time in their life. Parents are teens safe person/space and at times it is in our homes where parents see the most difficult emotions, behaviors, and have some of the toughest conversations. While this may be a part of the parenting journey, it does not mean that parents must do this on their own.
What can I try? Reach out to someone that specializes in working with teens/youth and has experience in supporting teens/youth with their mental health. Engage in a therapeutic process for you or your teen/youth to help in reducing symptoms, learning more about themselves and to support in feeling better day to day.
At Space to Pause Psychotherapy we offer individualized support for teens/youth and parents of teens/youth. Providing a safe space for teens/youth to be themselves, the focus is on enhancing coping skills, fostering connections, and reducing symptoms. If you are looking for support as you navigate your parenting journey, or to support your teen/youth with their mental health, book a free 30-minute consultation, by phone at (548) 490- 4002, or click here for an appointment.
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